6 months not having any emotions, not caring what has happened to you (some sort) and the moment you mention “surgery” I felt the sudden urge to take care of you and be by your side. What’s wrong with me? And suddenly the times I took care of you when you were unwell, having to rush out and get medication and food for you, and stroking your hair just to make you feel slightly...
Got home high, slept at 3.45 and woke up at 8.30am. Good luck at night shift later :|
Oh God, I don’t question your might but I do have a query. Why do I attract crazy possessive psychos? Am I such a wild child that every guy I meet yearn to control me? Am I such a goner in life? Do I look so hopeless? And also, am I THAT lovable? LOL =B Okay enough. So in the course of 4 months, I had 4 guys saying the words “I love you” to me. What does that mean anymore? Do...
Secondhand Serenade’s Fall For You. That song never fail to make me feel the stab in my heart each time I hear it. Like I want to shut my eyes and just wish for it to go away. It’s amazing how something you hear can bring back a flood of emotions so easily. Whenever I forget to be thankful and go back to feeling hurt about us, I remind myself that there’s always good in every...
Some hearts understand each other—even in silence.– Yasmin Mogahed (via islamicthinking)
Just when I thought I was on my own two feet and ready to take on the world, I get another stab in the back by someone I trusted. Not alot, but trust nonetheless. And that’s when I lost it again. My self-worth. I’m back to feeling worthless and degraded and basically crappy. And then the whole Murphy’s Law takes place. Change begets change, begets change. One bad thing is never...
I miss you. I miss you so much. Sure, there are times when I roll my eyes so bad whenever you start talking. (Honestly though, it takes years to master the skill of not making it obvious). But who am I kidding? I am nothing to you how you are nothing to me. I don’t care about you as much as you don’t care about me. Maybe lesser, more? Who cares. Point is we’ve both moved on and...
To the love of my life, I’ll pray for your protection. I pray for your health. I pray for your happiness. I pray for your family’s well-being. They say if you love someone but can’t be with that person, the best way to show your love is by prayers. I’m letting go, because I’m ready to, not because you ask me to. Goodbye. Take care. & God bless. P.S: I love...
I don’t care how you are with other girls. That doesn’t mean that you have to fix how you treat me. You said you don’t want to be unfair to me, but did you forget how you treated me? I appreciate all that. You weren’t unfair to me, you’re unfair to other girls for treating me so differently. So special. :) I don’t treat everyone the same way either. That just...
I'm here for you
And that’s why I want to tell you I’m here for you — because I am. Not in the therapist sense, not in the let’s-talk-about-our-crap-boyfriends-over-martinis sense, but the real sense: I love you enough to make room for your pain in my heart and handle it like my own. Or better than my own, because my own usually ends up stuffed into a back corner of my brain and left there to ferment into a...
To the love of my life, i dunno whether or not u’ll read this but all i want u to know is that im hurting as much as you are. Please be strong and please forgive me. Please find in yourself to let go. Seeing u hold on to the mistakes that i did just breaks my heart. It’s my fault you’re feeling this way. And i know how painful it is to love someone so much but be haunted by the...
Omg sweetie…please don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate you, but please don’t. Not now. You’re a great friend. I don’t want to destroy that. Don’t put hopes on me, please. I’m not ready. :( & that is my soliloquy. HAHA.
We both went a full circle before. We lost each other, we met new people, but we managed to find our way back to each other. Now we do it again. We deliberately lose each other and move on hoping one day fate brings us back. But I’m convinced the issue is not the hurt. The issue is that you’ve stopped loving me. You’ve stopped feeling anything towards me. On top of the hurt we...
Been doing too much thinking. Too much self blaming and self-hating. I don’t need forgiveness from others, I need to forgive myself. I need to realise that there are things beyond my control that falls out of place with or without my influence. I need to be able to forgive myself for the mistakes that I’ve made. I get too influenced by my thoughts that at times it becomes too...
I may be single, but my actions state otherwise. That’s my problem. I love too much. I get too loyal even when it is not required of me. God knows what’s best. Subhanallah, I’ll leave this matter to Him. :)
A friend once said, “org da tanak, asal kau kejar2 kan? You’re the stupidest girl I’ve ever met” maybe I am. Maybe I believe in love. Maybe I don’t wish to lose anymore loved ones. And if I need to wait for it, I will. I love one who doesn’t love me. But that’s okay, cause God won’t give u what u ask for until He knows you’re ready for it. But...
I’m fine without you. The hurt from our mistakes has passed. Now it’s just the hurt of losing someone I love, by choice.
I think this is our much needed break. To heal all wounds and repair ourselves. We have been blaming ourselves too much. I’m thankful for it and I thank God for my state of mind.
Losses are inevitable. Be it in relationships or death. Lost another of my uncle from my dad’s side (Innalillah wa Innalillahi roji’un) It’s never easy to deal with death. But sometimes losing something/someone makes you forget all the pain and the hurt and somehow, naturally, you miss that person as he was. I still remember my late grandfather’s cold skin on my lips as I...
Emotions are best expressed in form of words. Not speech, but words written or stated down. That way, we remember the exact words we said and we can revisit the raw emotions that we laid out. We remember exactly why we were angry and why we were sad. We remember who helped us up, and who brought us down. And once it’s out of the system, we barely hold any more grudges. It’s all laid...
God bless their souls
I LOVE THEMMMM. I love them so much. I am nothing without them. I wouldn’t be where I am today if not for them.
I opened up to you when I texted what I did. I didn’t expect you to reply. But days went by and again I texted what I did, and again you replied. This time, I had the courage to confront you about what has been going on. And you said you’re prepared to start over. Slowly, yet prepared. I said I’m afraid of getting sucked into it. But I braved myself and I took one step. You asked...
Keep strong & have faith
I pray for patience, strength & you. Those three are almost ALWAYS in my prayers, day and night. But maybe I’ve been praying for the wrong things. Just maybe. So I altered some things. I now pray for patience, strength & love. Love for God. Love for myself. And because of my love for you, I pray for your love for God. Your love for your family. I pray all the time for God to love me....
What I've done
Everyone would have had the chance to screw their lives over. The difference is just the intensity of the outcome. Sometimes you want to do things w/o thinking. In other words, screw your life over. You want to do things you might regret just to feel the thrill. But you forget the outcome. Regrets flow in, naturally, but no amount of regret can fix the situation. You cannot change the past, so you...
anditslove: What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re okay?
Somehow I feel like u dont want it anymore. I have hope, still. And I hope that the week passes by quickly so we can be how we were. I may be in denial when I tell myself that I’m fine. But thats the only way I can pick myself up and dust myself off. ‘Cos when u keep telling yourself something it will ultimately become true and that’s what I hope for. It feels really lonesome...
Forgive and forget,’ that’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very...– Grey’s Anatomy (via eletheowl)
What are your plans this weekend?
anditslove: Mine are sleep, sleep, and more sleep, and missing you. Mostly missing you.
I know it hurts. But it’s life, and it’s real. And sometimes it fucking hurts,...– Garden State (via eletheowl)
I don’t know why I feel this way. I never thought I would be this disappointed or upset with myself. I never though it mattered this much to me but whenever I’m alone, my eyes get welled up and I have to bite hard on my cheeks to stop myself from crying. Almost 24 hours had passed, and I still feel the bitterness of failure. They say failing would mean nothing if you don’t get...