What I’ve done
Everyone would have had the chance to screw their lives over. The difference is just the intensity of the outcome. Sometimes you want to do things w/o thinking. In other words, screw your life over. You want to do things you might regret just to feel the thrill. But you forget the outcome. Regrets flow in, naturally, but no amount of regret can fix the situation. You cannot change the past, so you can only try to mould the future. There’s no point of harping on what has happened. Yes, it hurts but one fine day things will get better. Regrets are normal. We’re human, we make mistakes. We apologize, we change.
I wouldn’t expect myself to be caught in a situation like that but I ended up in one. Some things that are meant to teach you a lesson may not necessarily be a pleasent experience.
What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re okay?
vicious cycle
Somehow I feel like u dont want it anymore. I have hope, still. And I hope that the week passes by quickly so we can be how we were. I may be in denial when I tell myself that I’m fine. But thats the only way I can pick myself up and dust myself off. ‘Cos when u keep telling yourself something it will ultimately become true and that’s what I hope for. It feels really lonesome having nobody to talk to cos I mostly confide in you and not having you by my side hurts so much. I feel like if i open up to you now you’d say im worrying too much so I know I cant talk to you abt what im thinking. And that hurts. Knowing the person you love is not willing to listen to you or care abt the hardship ure going through and they shrug off your worries by asking u to just stop talking to them and telling u to get better all on your own. It’s heartless.
Forgive and forget,’ that’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back; when someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for is one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.
What are your plans this weekend?
Mine are sleep, sleep, and more sleep, and missing you. Mostly missing you.
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